Healing Relational Patterns & Finding Safety in the Body
So many of the patterns we struggle with in relationships—overgiving, shutting down, anxious attachment, fear of abandonment, people-pleasing—aren’t signs that we’re broken.
They’re signs that our nervous system is still carrying old stories about safety, love, and connection.
Relational wounds are often formed in the context of relationship.
And the beautiful thing is—they can also heal in relationship.
Especially the one you have with yourself.
Why We Repeat Old Patterns
Maybe you notice yourself shrinking in the presence of conflict, or becoming hypervigilant when your partner pulls away. Maybe you lose yourself trying to earn someone’s affection, or feel the urge to run the moment intimacy deepens.
These aren’t random behaviors. They’re adaptations—rooted in your past, wired into your body.
As children, we learned how to survive in the environments we were given. If love was conditional, we learned to perform. If connection was inconsistent, we learned to cling. If vulnerability wasn’t safe, we learned to shut down.
These strategies helped us back then—but they often play out unconsciously in our adult relationships, long after the original threat is gone.
The Body Remembers
Our nervous system holds the memory of every time we felt unsafe, unseen, or emotionally abandoned. Even if we know a relationship is safe, our body might still brace for impact—expecting hurt, rejection, or neglect.
That’s why talk therapy alone doesn’t always shift deep relational patterns.
To truly heal, we need to bring the body into the process. We need to learn what safety feels like—not just what it looks like on paper.
Finding Safety in the Body
Healing begins with regulation. With learning how to ground yourself when the old stories get loud. With noticing what your body needs when you’re activated—without making yourself wrong for needing it.
Here are some gentle practices to support this:
1. Name What’s Happening
When you’re triggered in a relationship, pause and name it.
Try saying internally:
“I’m noticing activation in my body.”
“I feel the urge to shut down/run/people-please.”
“Something old is being stirred up.”
This simple recognition begins to create space between you and the pattern.
2. Anchor Into the Present
When your nervous system is flooded, come back into your body.
Try:
Pressing your feet into the ground
Placing a hand on your heart or belly
Taking three slow, deep breaths
Looking around the room and orienting to safety
This helps remind your body: It’s okay now. You’re not back there.
3. Listen to the Pattern with Compassion
Ask yourself:
When did I first learn to do this?
What was I trying to protect?
What did I really need?
Behind every survival strategy is a younger version of you who was doing their best to stay safe. Offer that part of you kindness—not criticism.
4. Practice Secure Connection with Yourself
You don’t have to wait for someone else to make you feel secure.
You can become the secure presence you longed for.
Try this affirmation:
“Even when I’m activated, I can stay with myself.”
“I’m allowed to have needs. I am allowed to take up space.”
“I’m safe in my body. I’m safe to love and be loved.
Healing Is Possible
Changing your relational patterns isn’t about fixing yourself.
It’s about returning to the truth of who you are underneath the pattern: whole, worthy, and deeply lovable.
It takes time. It takes patience. It takes a willingness to meet yourself over and over again, especially in the moments you feel the most unlovable.
And it also takes the body.
Your body is your guide. It will let you know when something doesn’t feel safe—and it will also let you know when it’s ready to soften, open, and trust again.
For a deeper exploration of this process, tune in to The Healing Energy Collective podcast episode 21: “Healing Relational Patterns & Finding Safety in the Body.” Inside, I share reflections, somatic tools, and supportive practices to help you break free from old cycles and reclaim your nervous system as a place of safety and healing. For more resources on your healing journey, join The Healing Energy Collective membership.
You don’t have to keep repeating what hurt you.
You get to choose differently.
And that choice begins—here, now, in your body.